Staying at home to stop the spread of the coronavirus has given us all a lot of time to think. We’re afraid, we’re angry, we’re bored, and we’re trying to figure out what happens next. In my life I try to be one of the people who stays positive and make things that help other people. So I make rituals and suggest ways we can think about things. But these times call on us to be real with each other and share what we feel. I challenged myself to be vulnerable, to go deeper than a social media meme and share what I’m mad about, what I’m grateful for, and my hopes for what we can learn from this.

Things I’m mad about

• No caring for the carers: I’m mad that the front line medical folk don’t have N95 masks.
• For-profit medical care: I’m mad that we run medical care for profit in this country so not everyone gets the care we need.
• Too few beds: I’m mad that my county has less than one hospital bed per thousand residents when the national average is more than two. I’m mad that CHI is building a new hospital and closing another instead of keeping them both open to increase the availability of care. I’m mad that state lawmakers let them do this and gave CHI the local health care monopoly so no other hospitals can open to serve the local need.
• Throwaway workers: I’m mad that the people who actually keep the world running – store clerks, truck drivers, garbage workers, janitors – are the ones who get the lowest pay. I’m furious that the rich owners of corporations are refusing front line workers basic needs like hazard pay, sick leave, and protective gear.
• Profits over people: I am incandescently enraged that very rich people are asking people to die so they can continue to be rich.
• People in denial: I don’t want to be mad at you, but I am. I am angry at people who refuse to see that the people in charge of the American government and the American economy are extremely rich sociopaths who lack human decency. They make their profits from squeezing hardworking compassionate people who are keeping the world going – from you! Stop voting for them. Stop buying stuff from them. Stop excusing them because they say stuff you like. Look at what they are doing right now when you need them the most. Are they giving you money, health care, sick leave, protective gear? Find the people who are doing that. Vote for them and buy from them. Clearly recognize what truly benefits you and support that.
• Deliberately broken government: we do need government. We can’t do everything on our own. A section of the public decided to break the government and elected people who did a darned good job. We’re the least competent country in the world in dealing with this pandemic. People are dying who didn’t have to if we had supported the common good.
• Broken retirement system: I’m mad that my employer required me to contribute to a 401K instead of setting up a pension like Alex’s and Ted’s employers did. I’m mad that this makes my retirement savings vulnerable to economic shocks. I’m mad that rich sociopaths keep attacking social security and perpetually terrify those of us who depend on it to survive. We paid our money in. Keep the bargain and give it back so we can live.
• The wilful destruction of the natural world: We have treated the world as a non-living mechanism. We’ve done whatever we wanted to do to that mechanism. Corporations and individuals alike, we all know what we are doing, and we have decided to do it anyway. Wantonly killing animals, leveling forests, fouling river and sky – we thought some other generation would bear the cost. We didn’t stop until Gaia started killing us off right now.
• Myself: I’ve consumed too much. I haven’t spoken up loudly enough. I haven’t thought enough about how my life impacts others. I haven’t given up what wasn’t necessary. I haven’t shared what I feel enough that the people I love and admire actually know that I do. If these are my last days, this is what shames me.

Things I’m grateful for

• People are fundamentally good: the vast majority of people are empathetic, hard working, and share what we have with each other. Thank you.
• Carers: doctors and nurses and the people who support them are still giving us care. They are saving lives and saving health. Thank you.
• Fierce leaders: all the people who closed down individual clubs and churches. All the mayors and governors who shut down movement early enough to flatten the curve. They believed the science and used their power to protect the people even in the face of doubt and criticism. They did their jobs. Thank you.
• What is still working: so far we are still getting groceries, garbage service, water, and internet connection. People are risking their lives to make sure these things continue to happen. Thank you.
• The natural world: the trees around me give me oxygen. The beauty of the flowers lifts me. Bird songs fill the world with music. The garden bursts with food. The world is a living organism that continues to breathe me and feed me without checking to see if I deserve it. I am profoundly grateful for this.
• What I have done: I’ve given money and time to others. I’ve supported my family and friends. I’ve spoken up for people less powerful than me. I’ve done what I was asked to do as a leader at the cost of my own ambition. I’m a master gardener and help people figure out how to grow food. I have helped people connect with spirit. I have loved and I love. If these are my last days, these are the things that make me proud.

Things we can do better

• Share the wealth: literally. Tax rich people and rich corporations. No one needs billions of dollars or five houses or private jets. We have the money we need to solve all our problems. Let’s use it for that instead of letting a few people hoard it.
• Income for everyone: uncouple income from labor. Guarantee a minimum income for everyone, old and young, sick and strong, hardworking and lazy, all genders, all races. Everyone. Take care of each other. People over profits. One of the clear messages from the pandemic is that caring for each other benefits everyone.
• Medical care for everyone: just like the rest of the world has. Another pandemic lesson – no one is healthy unless everyone is healthy.
• Mend our ways: we know the earth is alive. Let’s start acting like it. Recognize trees support each other, forests are alive, and ask if we really need to level that lot. Do we need another shopping mall? We don’t need to eat wild animals. We are omnivores, I don’t argue against meat, but we can recognize that the animals we eat also feel physical pain and emotion. We can make sure they have good lives and easy deaths. I live among farmers who do just that, let’s generalize it.
• Travel less: not to give up all travel, but only make the travel that is necessary. Ground the cruise lines, airlines, road trips. Keep the trucks and ships running that move food and goods around the world. Work from home, business meetings can use video. Prioritize medical workers and family gatherings. Give up leisure travel to consume and enjoy and re-center on the spiritual connection with sacred place and different peoples.
• Re-localize food production: there is no reason to ship lettuce in trucks. The world economy built out a distributed model that clearly breaks down in crisis. We’re going to run out of the oil that fuels travel anyway, let’s get ahead of that now. American economic policy destroyed the family farm fifty years ago. Shift back to support diversified small farmers. I know dozens of young people who would love to farm. Those folk can feed us, let’s let them. While we’re at it, everyone grow food, like our great-grandparents did. Let’s bring manufacturing back to our own countries, along with the jobs, and the responsibilities to manage the waste.
• Live better: I can ask if I really need the thing I’m buying, the trip I’m planning. I can stay positive, make rituals, encourage people to connect to spirit. I can share what I really feel: scared, discarded, hopeful, loving. I can share what I really think: we can chose to build a better life out of this if we all let ourselves have feelings and share what we need.